


There is a Thing, Because the Thing Is

by waldorph



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Drunkenness, Gen, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-30
Updated: 2009-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-04 00:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waldorph/pseuds/waldorph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scotty and Jim get drunk, and secrets are revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is a Thing, Because the Thing Is

**Author's Note:**

> written for **st_xi_kink** originally- cleaned up a bit since.

"The thing is," Jim says.

Scotty nods sagely. Then he realizes that he doesn't know what the thing is. He is gripped, nay... _tightly_ gripped by the need to know. He leans forward and gazes earnestly at the captain.

"Wha'sit?" he asks, breathless with anticipation. He pours himself another drink from the still. His own- freshly minted, they're breakin' her in now.

"It'd be _good_," Jim confesses. "'Cause he's ..._strong_. Y'know?"

Scotty nods enthusiastically. Yes, he is. Absolutely, he is. Strong a a bloody- wait.

"Who'sit?" he demands. Pronouns. Very important. English, she's a tricky language. Pronouns. Yes. Important.

No. Proper nouns. Got a pronoun. Needs specifics.

…He'd asked a question.

"_Spock_," Jim says. He sounds deeply wounded.

Ah, right. The first officer. Green-blooded, pointy-eared bastard- no wait, that was what McCoy would say. Scotty thinks Spock's all right. Only person who's sane on this ship. Very exciting. He likes Spock. Only he never drinks. Sober, is old Spock. Shame. Terrible shame.

Wait.

Scotty shakes his head, trying to think (it's difficult, aye? They've been at this for hours! And this stuff is _lethal_. God, he loves Kirk).

"What'd be good?"

"The_ sex_," Kirk replies. Ah, now Scotty can see that he's tryin' to drown his sorrows. Or his...sexual frustration. Whatever.

Scotty's pretty sure Kirk could be in there. "You could be in there," he says seriously, intent. Gotta get this across: very important.

"Scotty," Kirk says, looking pained. "Spock's a- a gen'lman. Deserves..." he waves his hands around vaguely. Scotty's not sure why Spock deserves a dead fish. "Y'know. Relationship."

Ah, not a dead fish, then.

"That might be a problem," Scotty is forced to agree. The captain is a fine and upstanding and fine captain but he's- well. There's this thing where they beam down, and the captain is immediately swarmed. Sometimes yes, there are…weapons! That's the word. But. Sometimes it's more amorous-types. And aye, he's pretty as all sin- the devil himself couldn't have made anything more tempting than their captain, but their captain's got all the self-restraint of a...

thing with no self restraint at _all_.

He is a love'em and leave'em man. No complications.

Probably's got babies all over the galaxy.

Lucky he's not a woman.

Also, Scotty's fairly certain Jim is determined not to _do_ his _crew_. He snorts laughter: that rhymed.

God, they're so drunk.

He pages Dr. McCoy when the captain slumps over the table, weeping over his heartache, and it's enough to make you sob in sympathy, it really is.

"The thing is," the captain mumbles into his arm, bright blue eyes luminous with tears and he just looks so _tragic_, "I love him, Scotty."

That's about what tears it. So after Dr. McCoy, swearing all the time, escorts the captain back to the sickbay ("Goddamnit, Jim, if you throw up on me or asphyxiate on your own motherfucking vomit..."), Scotty detours to Spock's quarters.

He points at the first mate unsteadily when the door swishes open. Lovely swish, that. She's a beautiful ship. "There is a thing," he announces.

Spock's eyebrow lifts.

Right. "An' you just better not break 'is heart or I'm comin' for ye," he warns. "'E's a good lad, an' 'e thinks 'e's not good enough for ye, which is _madness_, even if he is a manwhore."

"Mr. Scott," Spock begins, but Scotty just waves his finger warningly, and then stumbles back to his own quarters.

He wakes up with a splitting headache and no memory of the night before.

"We're never doing that again," the captain informs him when they're both dying on the bridge. Scotty could be down in engineering, but Keenser's givin' him that look an' misery loves company. Hopefully no crazy Romulans appear today because it would all be on the rest of them. And Scotty doesn't fancy their chances, there.

"Never," he agrees fervidly, eyeing Dr. McCoy. He's just entered with a predatory expression and hypos in hand.

Scotty watches him approach the captain, then happens to look at Spock, who is watching the captain with-

Well. Interest above and beyond the line of duty.

Kirk could be in there.

Shame he's such a manwhore, though.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Podfic: There is a Thing (Because the Thing Is) (waldorph)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001610) by [Cellar_Door](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cellar_Door/pseuds/Cellar_Door)




End file.
